Summary:
The world may view gentleness as a weakness, but in church, it is a virtue. We learn the following from four Bible characters:
1. Moses: The most humble man on earth still spoke rashly and sinned. The next time we’re angry, hold our tongues and don’t speak, lest we sin. Even a fool who holds his tongue will be considered wise.
2. Michal: She spoke sarcastically and despised David in her heart. Often, the people who get hurt verbally the most are those close to us. After living with our spouse for some time, differences become evident. Let us endeavour to continue accommodating each other, working through things and loving one another.
3. Mary: She only found missing Jesus after 3 days; how worried she must have been! But notice her first words to Him was a question to understand why He had done this. Often, we skip the step of fact finding and go straight to executing judgement. Let us take time to understand our children.
4. Jesus: He did not rush to answer the teachers of the law but kept silent instead. He spoke gently to the adulterous woman, restoring her spiritually. Let’s do the same (Gal 6:1).

In society, we hear many opinions and thoughts. There are also those who want to fight for the minorities or weaker members. Some of these voices are that of strife or anger. In our workplaces, we hear bosses reprimand subordinates sternly, probably because something was done wrong and someone needs to take the blame.

We hear waves of voices, strife, quarrelling and anger. Sometimes those who are scolded will defend and fight for themselves if they feel they are wronged.

People might not be able to accept or understand if we display a gentle demeanour. Not voicing your opinion or stand may end up with you taking the blame. Being gentle may be viewed as a weakness.

When we come to church, we know that having a gentle tongue is a virtue. Being gentle is not a sign of weakness. But many a times, with fleshly eyes, we judge whether a person is gentle or not. For example, a person seems gentle before the masses - he’s soft spoken, he says he respects everyone’s view and doesn’t voice his stand. But the spouse beside shakes his/her head. “You think he’s gentle? At home, he’s not like this to me. Ask the children, they’ll know about her temper. No patience at all!” Sometimes what we observe externally may not reflect the inner person.

But what’s the definition of gentleness we find in the Bible? A person who’s sensitive to others. A person who’s gracious to others. This is established by the power of God and is motivated by love which is founded on the truth.

In Gal 5:22-23, the Bible teaches us about the fruit of the spirit, one aspect being gentleness, another being self-control. A person who’s truly gentle is moved by the Holy Spirit and is able to bear fruit. He may be a person who is loud and direct. But after being changed by the Holy Spirit, he becomes a new person. What we observe externally may not reflect your inner person. A person that’s truly gentle is one whose inner man has been changed by the Holy Spirit. He may not have been born with such a personality. The fruit of the Holy Spirit is something each and every Christian needs to bear. Only when our heart is changed by the Holy Spirit can we say we have become a gentle person.

A few Bible characters who had gentle speech and who did not have gentle speech will be studied.

Prov 25:15
By long forbearance a ruler is persuaded, And a gentle tongue breaks a bone.

Through patience, a ruler can be persuaded. A ruler’s concepts and thoughts can sometimes be as hard as a bone; it is not malleable because he knows he’s in power. Being a subordinate, it’s hard to advise one’s king. If you’re too direct or domineering, you may lose your life. But if the subordinate advises the king patiently, he may change the stubborn thoughts of the ruler.

The tongue has no bone, but it has the ability to break a bone. The strength of gentleness comes in patience and persistence. If a person doesn’t have patience, we find he has haste in his speech.

Prov 29:20
Do you see a man hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him.

If a person cannot be patient or curb his anger, he’s more hopeless than a fool. A hasty person is hence almost comparable to a fool. Another verse says even a fool who holds his tongue is considered wise (Prov 17:28). If we know we’re not wise, no one will know we’re foolish if we keep our mouths shut. But once we voice our opinions, people can judge if we’re wise or foolish. If our hearts lack patience, we would be comparable to a fool. We may say words of sin, or words that hurt others.

The more you say, the more errors you commit. If you don’t say anything, you don’t commit any error at all.

Psa 106:32-33
They angered Him also at the waters of strife, So that it went ill with Moses on account of them; Because they rebelled against His Spirit, So that he spoke rashly with his lips.

This incident may make us wonder: how could such a thing happen?

Moses was the most humble person on the face of the earth (Num 12:3). He had faced condemnation by his own siblings. Yet, he kept silent. In the end, it was God who spoke up for him.

But in this incident, the Israelites did not have water in the wilderness of Zin. God instructed Moses carefully to do the following: take his staff and speak to the rock, and water will come forth.

But Moses was overcome with anger, resulting in him saying and doing things he ought not to say and do.

Num 20:10-11
And Moses and Aaron gathered the assembly together before the rock; and he said to them, “Hear now, you rebels! Must we bring water for you out of this rock?” Then Moses lifted his hand and struck the rock twice with his rod; and water came out abundantly, and the congregation and their animals drank.

What did Moses do wrong here? Firstly, he didn’t follow God’s instructions to speak to the rock. Instead, he struck the rock. Secondly, he scolded the Israelites, calling them rebels. He didn’t act according to the word of God.

We may find that Moses didn’t do something severely wrong. But not so in the eyes of God.

v12 “Because you did not believe Me”

Moses, overcome with his anger, did not believe God. That’s why he struck the rock.

“to hallow Me in the eyes of the children of Israel”

Moses did not listen to God’s command, he did according to his own way.

The consequence was grave. His objective was to lead the people into the promised land but because of his moment of rashness, he wasn’t able to enter.

Moses, the most humble man on earth, ended up doing something rash. This tell us it’s impossible for anyone to avoid speaking rashly. Moses by nature wasn’t a rash person. But he lost control at this point in time. Elder James says a person who has full control of his tongue is a perfect man (Jas 3:2).

We can also learn that when we are incited to anger, we should hold our tongues and not speak. If a fool holds his tongue, he will be considered wise. Many people have committed sin because they were rash in their words and actions while angry. Let’s be careful lest we say/do the wrong things while angry.

Prov 12:18
There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, But the tongue of the wise promotes health.

Most of the time, the people who get hurt verbally the most are the people who are close to us.

2 Sam 6:12-23
These verses record the exchange of words between David and his wife Michal. David wanted to bring the ark of God back into the city. It was a joyous occasion for him. He wore a linen ephod and danced before the Lord with all his might. He brought the ark up with shouting and the sound of the trumpet. Being able to bring the ark back to Jerusalem was a great joy to him, especially since he had failed earlier (v7-10).

v16 Now as the ark of the LORD came into the City of David, Michal, Saul’s daughter, looked through a window and saw King David leaping and whirling before the LORD; and she despised him in her heart.

Michal couldn’t understand the joy of David. Instead, she despised him in her heart.

v18 And when David had finished offering burnt offerings and peace offerings, he blessed the people in the name of the LORD of hosts.

After blessing the people, he returned to bless his household.

v20 Then David returned to bless his household. And Michal the daughter of Saul came out to meet David, and said, “How glorious was the king of Israel today, uncovering himself today in the eyes of the maids of his servants, as one of the base fellows shamelessly uncovers himself!”

David was so happy and wanted to go back to bless his household. Instead, Michal poured cold water on his happiness and spoke sarcastically to him.

Was David not dressed appropriately before the Lord? The passage records that David wore a linen ephod. There’s no record that he wasn’t wearing anything else. Perhaps it refers to taking off his royal robes and wearing clothes like a priest. There were still inner garments besides the ephod.

To Michal, not wearing the royal robes and dancing was like being one of the base fellows shamelessly uncovering himself.

v21-22 So David said to Michal, “It was before the LORD, who chose me instead of your father and all his house, to appoint me ruler over the people of the LORD, over Israel. Therefore I will play music before the LORD. And I will be even more undignified than this, and will be humble in my own sight. But as for the maidservants of whom you have spoken, by them I will be held in honour.”

It’s sad that Michal had such a reaction to this. The love story between David and Michal can be made into a drama. Saul wanted to use his daughter Michal as a means to hurt David. But when Saul tried to kill David, Michal deceived her father to help David escape. She really loved him.

In our marriage life, the same happens. When we love each other, we are gentle in our speech. But after living together for some time, we find differences in our personality or concepts we’ve developed while growing up. Will we still continue to accommodate each other, work through things and love one another? Or will we grow bitter like Michal and despise our spouse in our hearts? The despise Michal had for David in her heart caused her to be unhappy in her marriage life.

v23 Therefore Michal the daughter of Saul had no children to the day of her death.

In a relationship between husband and wife, especially after going through a long period of time together, we need to learn to be watchful and gentle in our speech. Understand what our relationship is built upon. We ought not to be rash in our speech and speak things that might hurt the other party. Even if Michal disagreed with David, couldn’t she have spoken in a gentler tone. Instead, she despised and humiliated her spouse.

We look at a better example.

Luke 2:48
So when they saw Him, they were amazed; and His mother said to Him, “Son, why have You done this to us? Look, Your father and I have sought You anxiously.”

This was what Mary said to Jesus. Jesus was 12 and the whole family went to Jerusalem to keep the Feast of the Passover. On the return home, they realised Jesus wasn’t in their midst after a day. Anxious, they went back to find him. Only after three days did they find him! How worried Mary must have felt! If we were her, the first thing we might want to do after finding Him would be to scold Him. “You didn’t even tell us!”

We don’t know the tone Mary had, but what Mary did first was to ask Jesus why He did that. Often, we skip the step of asking and fact finding. We come to our own conclusion and execute judgement.

Paul’s advice to parents is to bring our children up in the words of the Lord. We shouldn’t provoke our children to anger. If we don’t take the time to find out the intent behind the action and skip over to the judgement phase, this will make them unhappy also.

The speaker has 2 sons. One is more tidy, the other is more messy. When a mess is made, they think it’s the messy son who did it, since he does it 90+% of the time. There was a time it wasn’t him. Do we take the time to fact find instead of jumping to conclusions and executing judgement?

While children are told to honour parents, as parents, we need to reasonably try to understand our children. Be gentle. Being gentle doesn’t refer to the tone of voice or manner of speech, but an attitude which is in control of one’s words and actions.

John 8:3-11
Then the scribes and Pharisees brought to Him a woman caught in adultery. And when they had set her in the midst, they said to Him, “Teacher, this woman was caught in adultery, in the very act. Now Moses, in the law, commanded us that such should be stoned. But what do You say?” This they said, testing Him, that they might have something of which to accuse Him. But Jesus stooped down and wrote on the ground with His finger, as though He did not hear. So when they continued asking Him, He raised Himself up and said to them, “He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first.” And again He stooped down and wrote on the ground. Then those who heard it, being convicted by their conscience, went out one by one, beginning with the oldest even to the last. And Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst. When Jesus had raised Himself up and saw no one but the woman, He said to her, “Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?” She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said to her, “Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.”

Jesus did not say a word. Only when they kept questioning Him did He raise Himself up to say, “He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first.” They went out one by one, as they were convicted by their conscience.

v10-11 When Jesus had raised Himself up and saw no one but the woman, He said to her, “Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?” She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said to her, “Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.”

In gentleness, Jesus dealt with the teachers of the law and the woman. We may not know the tone Jesus used, but from His actions, we understand the following: He was in no rush to answer the teachers of the law. He kept silent and wrote on the ground. When they pressed Him, He didn’t rebuke them. He just said a simple sentence. “He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first.” Finally, He forgave the woman - this is the emphasis of the story. According to the law of Moses, the adulterous woman deserves death, but Jesus gave her a second chance.

Gal 6:1
Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted.

This is the attitude we ought to have when dealing with a brother or sister who has been overcome by sin. We who are spiritually need to be gentle so we can restore them. But Paul advises us to watch ourselves lest we be tempted.

Jesus was known as a friend of sinners, but He remained sinless. He led a watchful life and was very sensitive to sin. As we gently restore those who have fallen, we ourselves need to be gentle. We are accepting of the sinner, but we don’t condone sin. Our words don’t accommodate the sin but focus on bringing the sinner back.

Prov 15:4
A wholesome tongue is a tree of life, But perverseness in it breaks the spirit.

wholesome = healing

In Revelation, there are trees at the river whose leaves can bring healing to the nations (Rev 22:2). We too should bring healing to others. We may not be able to forgive sins like Jesus, but with gentle words, we can restore a brother/sister. Because the word of God contains life and is able to heal others of their sickness. We ought to have a gentle heart and spirit as we restore our fellow brethren.

May God guide our hearts and tongues so we speak words that edify and heal others instead of hurting others.