In September, the Youth Spiritual Meeting was held. The Adam Youth Committee, tasked with organising it, set the theme regarding marriage. The issue was: the whole committee consisted of youths who were all single (not even dating) except one who was married. The speaker told the committee (including himself) to read up on the teachings of marriage. He thinks it would’ve been better if someone married led it. The speaker would like to encourage us to continue to serve the Lord, so the above situation will not be faced so often. Married brothers and sisters were spoken to, books and articles were read.

Some main points that the committee wanted to bring across during the activities and sermons were missed. This sermon will cover them.

When God established marriage, He caused Adam to fall into a deep sleep. When Adam woke up, Eve was presented to him. Have we seen anything like this on TV - someone sleeps and gets married when they wake up? Snow White. After being poisoned for her beauty, she was woken up by a kiss from a prince whom she married. Or consider recent Korean dramas. The male protagonist has been alive for 900 years, unable to die. He needs to find a woman to pull out a sword from him so he can die. But when he does find her, he falls in love with her.

Love on TV sends the consistent message that the relationship between a man and woman is the ultimate achievement in life. We may get influenced to think our lives will be made complete once we get married or get a boy/girlfriend. We think this makes all pain and suffering we go through worth it.

We must have the right thinking/expectations towards relationships and marriage. We may have the wrong understanding from TV that romance is the magic pill that makes everything well. The speaker doesn’t think he’s in the right position to speak on marriage because he’s single. But as a Christian, the speaker thinks he is in the position to say the following:

There’re some things we can only receive from God. For example, the meaning of life, hope of the future, our value in this life. At the very least, we cannot expect to receive these things from the world. If we allow romantic relationships to take precedence over God, aren’t we idolising romantic relationships?

We take a look at some examples in the Bible.
John 4 discusses the Samaritan woman. While she was drawing water, Jesus struck up a conversation with her. He told her to bring her husband. She answered, “I have no husband.” Jesus answered, “Well said. You’ve had 5 husbands and the one you’re with now is not your husband.” (v17-18) Nowhere does Jesus accuse her of being an adulterous, although it’s right to think of her this way. Nonetheless, the woman was still respected, evidenced by how the rest of the Samaritans of that city went to find Jesus after listening to her testimony. Perhaps she had many husbands because they had passed away, or perhaps she was put away because she was barren. If she was a widow, it must’ve been pitiful for her.

1 Tim 5:9-14
A young widow is advised to remarry so they won’t grow lazy, gossip; to give no opportunity to the adversary to speak reproachfully. If they don’t grow wanton against Christ, it’s okay that they don’t remarry.

1 Cor 7:8-9
“But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”

For those who are single, ask yourselves these questions:
• Why do I want to get into a relationship?
• Why do I want to get married?

It shouldn’t be to get financially stable. It shouldn’t be because people think we should get married by a certain age. Let us not allow societal pressures or influence to pressure us to get married.

Or is it because we want to flaunt our partner?

Or is it because we feel lonely? And we think having any guy or girl will make us not lonely. The reality is: if we don’t communicate well, the person beside us won’t help us be less lonely.

Or is it because we feel we need to have children or our lives will be incomplete?

Think carefully why you want to start dating or get married.

God gives a fundamental principle of getting married in the Bible. In Genesis, Eve was created to be a companion comparable to Adam. Getting married is to have a helper. But before a person can help another, we first have to consider whether the person can help themselves. Consider how you’re supposed to wear the oxygen mask first before assisting someone else.

Before people who are single get into a relationship or get married, they have to make certain preparations and need to have a certain level of maturity.

Let us consider the period before Adam fell into a deep sleep; before Eve was created.
Gen 2:15-18
Adam was created on the 6th day, after which, he was put in the Garden of Eden to tend and keep it. Adam was formed as an adult, able to work. He was physically ready.

Eph 5:25b-27
Christ is without sin. He loves the church which consists of sinners who have been redeemed. Christ gave His life for people who’re incomplete to become complete. Jesus didn’t seek for that which was perfect/complete, but that which would eventually become perfect/complete. He didn’t save us to serve Him, but because He loves us.

From this, we takeaway that the requirements we have for a person should be relaxed.

Eph 5:25a, 28, 32-33
From the relationship between God and the church, we can learn about how the relationship between a husband and wife should be.

“But my husband isn’t Jesus but an imperfect human being that sins.”
When two sinners are put together and are supposed to be naked before each other (i.e. no secrets between them), sins can be clearly seen. It’s hence important for both to spiritually nurture themselves.

1 Pet 3:7
“husbands, dwell with them with understanding, giving honour to the wife”
This means the wife has the right to be listened to, especially since we acknowledge both are sinners.

There will be times a couple quarrels. At that point of time, we must be mature to handle it. For example, when criticised by others, are we able to take it with a calm heart and reflect on whether there’re areas we can improve on. When we see others at fault, are we able to speak the truth to them in love? When there’re problems with the relationship, do we have the courage to raise it up? We don’t need to learn this only when we’re in a romantic relationship, it’s something we can learn while single or while we’re young.

Gen 2:18
“It’s not good that man should be alone”
God Himself said this, but it doesn’t mean all will be complete when we get married. We need to be honest with ourselves.

Ask ourselves:
• Why do I want to get into a relationship?
• Why do I want to get married?

If we have thought it through and the reason is to help one another on the journey to the Kingdom of Heaven and to glorify God, then ponder: how can we help ourselves properly before we help others?