Summary:

1. Why must we have Christian parenting?
2. What do we hope to achieve in Christians parenting?
3. How should we parents conduct ourselves if we want successful Christian parenting?

Different people have different ways of parenting their children. Different races of people have different principles of parenting. The westerners have their ways which are peculiar to the orientals. The speaker’s son’s family lives in Australia. He has to bring his grandson to school and observe peculiar actions. For example on a rainy day, parents allow children to play inside the water and get totally wet. The oriental would say, “Be careful. Be careful. Don’t step into the puddle!” But western parents are very joyful for their children to play in the puddle.

Toddlers would climb tall slabs of concrete to drink water. It looked so dangerous to the speaker. But the western parents treat it as ordinary. Parenting hence differs from parent to parent and culture to culture. But we as Christians must parent our children according to the word of God in the holy Bible. This is not only important for their growth but concerns their faith and salvation. Christian parenting is not just according to what Christian counsellors tell us. Today there are many Christian counsellors that tell you how to parent children. But some of their principles or suggestions are not according to the Bible. Even though their children grow up as Christians, they may not grow into the Lord and unto salvation. For us in the True Jesus Church, we have to pass down our faith from one generation to another generation. Not only we ourselves must be saved, but we must also work for the salvation of our children while we are still alive. When we have grandchildren, we as grandparents still have to be concerned about parenting our grandchildren to be people in the grace of salvation, and this must be done according to the Bible.

Eph 6:1-4
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise: “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.” And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord..

Verses 1-3 talks about the duty of children towards their parents. Children must obey both their father and mother, and of course if their grandparents are around, they must still honour their grandparents.

Verse 4 talks about parenting. Parenting is the responsibility of those who are fathers. This is quite contrary to what’s been done in society. Fathers would leave this responsibility to the mothers. If parenting is not done well, the wife would be blamed. But this verse says it is the responsibility of the fathers because children are from God. As the head of the family, he has the duty to parent his children according to the teachings of the holy Bible. That’s why those who are husbands have to work closely with their wives. They must have one heart. Even though they gave differences, these differences should not be magnified. They ought to work together to bring the children up according to the teachings of the holy Bible.

Why must we have Christian parenting?

1. Children are a heritage from the Lord

Children are an inheritance from God. To have children is a blessing. And Christian children come from Christian parents. If parents are not true Christians - going to church but not practising Christian principles doesn’t count, then you cannot give Christian parenting to your children. Recognise it’s God who gives us children. It’s our duty as believers of Christ to bring up our children as Christians, so that the blessings of God will come down on them as on us. If we do not bring up children as Christians and they don’t know God, sometimes they not only lose the grace of God, but the wrath of God also comes upon them.

The classic example is the Old Testament high priest Eli in the tent of meeting Shiloh. He served God but his two sons were worthless people. God decided to destroy them. Why? Because Eli did not bring them up in the way he should. He himself was a bad example. Before the meat was sacrificed to God, he himself took a portion for himself. This was dishonouring God. The prophet rebuked Eli for this act. The two sons did the same. Before the sacrifices were made to God by the people, they took the meat for themselves. They were really worthless people. They committed immorality in the tent of merging. While others went there to the holy place to worship, these sons were committing immorality in the house of God. That’s why the two sons were destroyed. Eli did not remember the two sons were given to him by God. Children are a heritage, something that God hands to you to take care of. Even though he was a high priest serving God, he lacked in parenting his sons.

If we want blessing to flow in our household, we must teach our children. This work starts from childhood and ends when we die. A lot of people say: “My children have grown up. They will have to decide for themselves!” However, we still have the responsibility to parent them, as who else can correct our children? Sometimes, not even our daughters-in-law or sons-in-law, as they can’t correct their spouse. But we as parents still sometimes have to rebuke our children even after they have grown up. This is our responsibility and duty even when as aged parents. As long as we are alive, we have this responsibility. From young, we have taught our children. Even when we are old and very aged, they will still listen to us. We hence have to make sure they do not go on to sin and be destroyed.

2. Pass down this pure faith to the next generation.

God has meant for us and our descendants to be saved. This generation will go. Since COVID-19 in 2020, there have been many deaths in church, although they died of old age and not COVID. As long as we are old, the day of death is nearer than we are young. This generation will go but we must pass on the faith to our children, and this is a great challenge in our church.

Is the faith in the church today the same as before? This is something for us to think and worry about. If our faith has changed, if the church has changed (not only in administration but in the beliefs of the word of God), can our children and children’s children remain in the grace of salvation? We must ensure we pass down the pure faith of salvation.

There was a preacher who committed sin. He went to a small church. He wanted to lay hands and told all the members to come in front. None of the Singapore members went in front. The preacher said they were proud. But thank God the Singaporean youths were knowledgeable of the word of God. Today they are back in Singapore and still keep the pure faith.

If we keep changing with times because we have not worked diligently to pass on the pure faith, how can our children remain God fearing and in the grace of salvation?

Parents have this duty. RE teachers have this duty. And more so the ministers of the church. We have the responsibility to ensure our own faith is pure, and the faith that we hand down to the next generation is pure. Those who follow/obey this faith will be saved.

3. That the future generation will have the wisdom of salvation.

This is important. It’s not just knowledge. Knowledge can be diligently worked and learned from the Bible. The ability to discern what’s true, right and the pure word of God, requires wisdom from God. Parents must first have this wisdom. We must be able to discern because many false prophets will come from our midst.

Many things done may seem to be good, but makes the church less spiritual. If we don’t have the wisdom, we won’t be able to discern. Every event and programme we have in the church seems to be good - having a picnic is good, having a gathering is good. But is there a spiritual essence? Do we spend so much time on these events which lack the spiritual essence? Sometimes even in delivering a sermon, we lack spiritual wisdom and only talk about worldly things. Knowledge is definitely good but does it edify us spiritually? We must be able to discern this, so that whatever we do will make us a spiritual house of God and our sacrifices will be acceptable to God.

This is a fearful thing. It’s easy to prepare a sermon. Just Google and get a sermon. Sometimes we can take a full sermon from the internet and speak it. But does it promote spiritual wisdom? After hearing the sermon, does our church member know more about our faith and God?

We may teach an RE lesson, but do our students grow in the wisdom of God? This should be our concern. This begins with Christian parenting.

Thank God many parents work very hard in this aspect. That’s why they spend time sharing their faith with their children. The speaker shares testimonies with his children - how the grace of God came to his family, how his grandmother came to church, how God saved his parents, how he was saved. He shares all these experiences of faith to make them understand the grace of God.

2 Tim 3:15
and that from childhood you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.

What did Timothy learn from his mother and grandmother? The Word of God. This allowed him to grow in the wisdom of salvation, not just knowledge. Since there is salvation in our church, there is the grace of God in our church! We have to let our children know this grace, so that they will understand what is the true church and what is the precious grace of the Lord Jesus Christ. Only then will they feel this grace in their lives, cherish this grace and not depart from it. This is the wisdom of salvation and known through Christian parenting. Some people don’t even know how their parents or grandparents came to church.

Last Chinese New Year, the speaker received many messages. One especially touched him. It included a picture of that member’s family service. They had a family service after the reunion dinner. This was a tradition of the family for many generations. The one who sent him the photo had never spoken a sermon on the pulpit, but he is a good member of the church. He was a third or fourth generation believer. He passed on this tradition, which perhaps is repeated year after year. It’s a reminder to their children that if there was no salvation grace in the family, they would have nothing. Their lives would be without hope. Because of the grace of salvation, we are so blessed. We have the grace of salvation. We have hope.

What do we hope to achieve in Christians parenting?

1. Cultivation of Christian concepts or values

This is most important. What’s most important in our lives today? For most of us is education. “You better go and study hard! Later you become street sweepers!” We want our children to have worldly concepts. This is the general trend amongst parents.

But what is the Christian trend? What does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses his soul? Do we inculcate this in our children? We encourage our children to go to church and attend children classes, and to go for theological training courses first. Other matters are not so important.

A parent sent his child overseas for training. Because the school holidays started later and our theological course begins when their exam is on. The parent said forget about the exam. Nevermind, you go for the theological training. Another parent said you should go to Singapore. If you do I give you $2000. You can go there and shop whatever you want if you go for the theological courses. Which is the Christian value we should inculcate? Both children attend the theological course. But one is worldly motivation, while the other is totally to please God. This is the Christian concept of values. Paul says he will choose to please God than please man. How many of us will forgo the benefits of the world to get the benefits of God, especially for our children? Choosing between going to the university or theological seminary (It’s a choice right?). Going for masters or theological seminary? What do we teach our children? What do we value more?

Theological seminary enrollment is always open. But without the grace of God you can’t enter it. That’s what happened to the speaker. If they had set an entrance exam, he would not have been a student. His marks were very very low. He would not qualify at all. But the test was set one week after his lessons started. He failed very very badly. At that time his wife asked, “Must you go for theological seminary now? Our son is so young.” He answered, “If I don’t go now. There may not be a chance.” Thank God she agreed and he’s able to serve as a preacher. This is the grace of God.

We should teach our children to cherish the grace of God when grace is given to us. This is the concept and values we must inculcate in our children.

Phil 3:7-11
But what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ. Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith; that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death, if, by any means, I may attain to the resurrection from the dead.

This was Paul’s concept. Nothing can compare to the preciousness of Christ. Nothing can surpass this preciousness of God. That’s why all the other things are like rubbish. He’s so willing to give up the world, because that was how he could gain Christ. This kind of concept or values is very important. We must have this kind of concept and teach this to our children.

2. Cultivation of the fear of the Lord and of godliness

Joseph feared God and refused to commit sin with Potiphar’s wife. Later when he was the premier, he could take vengeance upon his brothers, but he didn’t because of the fear of the Lord.

This fear of the Lord controlled his life, and so he remained in the favour of the Lord. Of course there was anger, “Why just I suffer all these things? It’s because of my brothers’ jealousy! It’s no fault of mine that my father loved me more.” They sold him as a slave to Egypt. The probability of him surviving was almost zero. If it were not the will or protection of God, don’t even talk about becoming the premier, how could Joseph have survived? Joseph knew it was from God.

Because of his fear of God, he could forgive his brothers and wouldn’t commit sin against God. This was when Joseph was away from his father. When he grew up and was powerful, he still feared the Lord. This cultivation of the fear of the Lord is our duty.

Parents must be examples. Godliness. Live a godly life at home - What you watch on tv, what you surf on the internet and use your handphone for, how you speak to each other, your daily habits. All of these are part of godliness. If you are good examples to your children, their chances of growing up to be ungodly is lower. But if you’re an addicted smoker or a drinker or a person full of fury and temper, can you expect your children to be godly? Definitely not. We ourselves must pass a godly life and fear the Lord. Coming for service is challenging at this time. Last Wednesday, only 8 members turned up at Woodlands church that costs $5million. We have our reasons for not attending, but nevertheless there is an important reason for attending services - it’s how we practice our faith towards God. We practice our faith by keeping the Sabbath Day, participating in spiritual events organised by the church, going out and proclaiming that Jesus is Christ, etc.

Godliness is repaying the grace of the Lord, and this is very important. We have to cultivate this in our family.

3. Inculcate a life of worship and service to the Lord in our children

It’s important for them to attend service especially in these evil times. Church life is very important for them to keep themselves in the grade of God. If they don’t go to church, worship God, serve the Lord, the chances of them being secularised is very much greater. That’s why we must bring our children to church all the time and inculcate a life of worship.

When the speaker’s oldest 2 grandchildren were in Singapore, they’d study until 6pm. Then they would take a bus home. As soon as they alight, he would be there to receive them. Tuesday and Friday nights were church service. They knew. It was already in their minds. Even though the next day is a school day, that night is for church service, for them to go to church. They must quickly bathe and finish their food. Thank God they’re still practising their faith and attending services. They know it’s their duty to attend service. We must worship God together with our family.

Acts 10 talks about Cornelius. He worshiped God. And prayed to God always with his family. An elderly deacon from KL said to the speaker, “Family prayers are very important.” At that time he didn’t understand as he was a very young preacher. But now he understands. Preachers are seldom at home. When preachers are at home, they probably want to take a rest or watch tv which they seldom do, or just do some house activities. But do we pray with our family? Do we still go to church during 4 days of leave a month? This is a cultivation of service and is important in the last days.

How should we parents conduct ourselves if we want successful Christian parenting?

1. Walk with integrity in our household

Psa 101:2
I will behave wisely in a perfect way.
Oh, when will You come to me?
I will walk within my house with a perfect heart.

This psalm was written by David. He feared the Lord and loved to go to the temple to worship. At the same time he was very mindful of his behaviour at home. Usually at home we take down our mask. In church we put on a mask. “You don’t know me, I don’t know you. We can’t recognise each other.”

Yesterday, the speaker, Pr Chin Aun Quek, and Sis Hong Seng were at a dental clinic. A person came out with a mask and said, “Hi preachers!” They didn’t recognise her until she took out her mask. If we don’t take off our masks, the true self won’t be shown. At home, our true self is shown and that is where we must be a good example.

The speaker said, “One of our sons speaks exactly like you. The tone, etc.” This is cultivated naturally. David was hence mindful of how he walked within his house.

If we want to be successful in parenting, we cannot just be a Christian in church or among our friends. We should not just be a church minister in front when speaking a sermon. We have to be a Christian even at home.

2. Conduct ourselves in holiness and godliness

This is why we must pray regularly. If we can gather our children to pray with us, that is the best. Even if our children are not around, our life of prayer must not cease. Our practice of the word of God must be continuous. Whether towards members of the family, towards church believers, or towards relatives who have yet to be believers, we have to show that kind of Christian love and integrity. This is important because we are setting examples. If we always talk negative things about the church or other people, or against our relatives, then it’s very very hard for us to be successful in Christian parenting.

Grandchildren sometimes provoke him very badly. He was so angry he slammed his hand on the table (because in australia you cannot beat the children or you’ll be jailed). Speaker’s hand was injured for one year! Even as a retired preacher, he can’t control his temper at times; can’t even be an example to his family. It really is hard to be a good example to our family.

May the mercy of God be with us.