We must not walk alone in our journey of life. Man is not created to walk alone. Beside your spouse and family, you also need to have friends.

In fact when the Lord Jesus came into the world and started to serve God, He served God with His friends. He wasn’t with His family very often. There was one time His family came too look for Him because they thought He would get into trouble. And what did Jesus say when people said, “Your mother, brother and sisters are looking for you.”? He looked at His followers and said, “Anyone who does the will of God is my mother, brother, sister.”

Do we look at Jesus the same way? That Jesus is more than a friend to us.

A man needs to have friends around to support him, and also for him to support them. We need to choose our friends carefully, as per Proverbs.

As young children, we often stuck close to their parents. It’s often hard to make friends with toddlers because they’d hide behind their parents. When they talk amongst themselves, they’d compare their parents “my father is better” “my mother cooks better than yours” “my papa says this”. When they’re older, they’d start to say “my teacher says so”. They’d start to argue with their parents. Then as they get older it’ll be “my friend says this” “I want to be with my friends” when parents ask to have dinner together. Loyalty to friends starts to be talked about.

Let’s look at the Bible to understand what it says being a good friend is.

We have many friends. Most of them are made while we’re young. There’re some people in church who still keep in touch with their secondary and even primary school friends. But not many of us keep our friendships for that long. But for us in the church, if we all remain in the church and grow up in the Lord and serve the Lord together and help each other maintain in the faith, then the friendships we forge during REU times will be for life. That’s the biblical definition of friendship.

Prov 27:17
“As iron sharpens iron, is a man sharpens the countenance of just friend.”

This is one very important way to look at friendship. Friends are just like iron sharpening iron. Being with friends make you better and they become better because of you as well.

The sermon is titled ‘Friend for Life’. Are friends meant for life? According to the biblical definition, yes. But there’re some friends we need to dissociate with. So are friends meant for life? Yes and no. Because some people you think are friends are not

Because friends are meant to be for life, the Bible tells us to be very careful when making friends.

Proverbs 12 tells us to avoid making friends with the wicked. Proverbs 13 to avoid making friends with the foolish.

So when we choose the right friends, we keep them for life and remain faithful to them for life.

Prov 18:24
“A man who has friends must himself be friendly, but here is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”

The former part of the English and Chinese translations differ. The English says “a man who has friends must himself be friendly”. The Chinese says “if a person doesn’t choose his friends carefully, he’ll be corrupted”.
And both are true. The latter part is the same “there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. The significance of this is that friends are different from brothers. You choose your friends but you can’t choose your brother. When brothers/sisters fight, they might feel: why do I have you for my brother/sister??

But you can’t choose. And the Bible teaches us that since we’re brothers and sisters, we ought to care for each other. Sadly, this isn’t the case for everyone. We have heard of sibling rivalry. Sometimes, brothers and sisters don’t get along very well. Thankfully, it’s not very widespread. But the speaker does see sibling rivalry, or perhaps there’s no rivalry but there only have a superficial relationship, which is sad when everyone in the family are Christians in the true church.

It tells us one thing: friendships should be forged among family members too. Brothers and sisters should become friends. We become brothers and sisters by natural descent but we choose to become friends.

We must be friends with people outside but all the more we should be friends with people within your family. So friendships are a matter of choice. And friendships are also a matter of diligence: be a true friend.

That’s why the Bible says there’s a friend who sticks closer than a brother. That invariably refers to the Lord Jesus Christ.

When we work hard in our friendships, we can be closer than even siblings.

But when you discover that certain people you’ve chosen to be friends are a wrong choice, even when you’ve been friends for a long time, even when emotions are involved, time will tell whether that person is a true friend.

So when the time comes when your eyes are open that “Hey! He/she is not a friend!”, you have to dissociate away from him/her.

Prov 12:26
“The righteous should choose his friends carefully, for the way of the wicked leads them astray.”

The English and Chinese translations differ again. The Chinese says “the righteous leads people”. The English says “the righteous should choose his friends carefully”.

Why should we choose our friends carefully? Because the way of the wicked leads them astray. So whether we read English or Chinese, it doesn’t matter, it tells us friends mutually influence - into the path of righteousness or into wickedness. Which is easier to be influenced by? Into wickedness. So we need to choose our friends carefully.

Prov 13:26
We have to choose friends amongst the wise, because we’ll be wiser. But if we choose a friend amongst the wicked, we’d be a companion of fools and be destroyed. Don’t assume you’re in a position to change them, and consider them our friends.

In the recent Spiritual Meeting, it was discussed that scoffers cannot be changed. There’ll be certain people we have to associate in the world where if we’re not friendly with them, how can we bring them to Christ? But if we realise someone is influencing us towards bad, we should dissociate ourselves from them.

Don’t think you can change them, you can’t. You’ll start to be influenced by them instead.

And for people outside you try to lead to the Lord, remember you’re leading them. You lead them, not they lead you. If they’ve some bad habits, they’re not wicked, and if you think you want to lead them to Christ, or course you can, you don’t need to dissociate from them. Just remember you’re leading them. You can be a friend to them, leading them to good. Just like how Jesus is a friend of sinners, because He changes them.

But don’t say that they’re friends because they can’t sharpen your countenance. “A friend sharpens the countenance of his friend just like iron sharpens iron.” Remember they’re not your friends. Your friends are in the church. You help people in the church to become better and they help you become better.

So if you have a question/problem/need advice, don’t ever seek advice from outside friends. Even if you think they’re good people, they’d give you worldly advice. It may seem to be quite wise, but that’s worldly wisdom. Seek friends amongst the wise in the church who will be able to give you advice from the word of God.

This is a very impressive principle: friends are meant to help you grow spiritually.

Besides Jesus, who is a friend for life?
Prov 27:6
Open rebuke is better than love carefully concealed. Love is not meant to be concealed, it’s meant to be expressed. Not with mere words, and it’s not just expressing your feelings, because love is not just feelings. In fact, you must have feelings but feelings is just a very small part of what love is. Love should be expressed in action. Not just words. And actions include faithfully wounding the one you love.

You do good things to your friends, you don’t have to boast about it. You don’t even need to let them know, unless there’s a need to let them know. If letting them know makes it better for them, then let them know. If not, don’t have to tell.

This is difficult. It’s difficult to choose to wound someone you love, definitely. But the Bible says this is being faithful.

You may love someone so much you’re willing to gouge out your eyes for him/her. But what’s the most difficult and unappreciated way of loving someone? If you gouge out your eyes for someone, they’d say “no no no”! And they’d appreciate it so much.

Gouging our your eyes is difficult. But what’s more difficult than gouging your eye out?

Gal 4:13-16
Read
Let these words sink in. Did not Paul feel the words of energy Galatians? He deeply felt it. He felt the love as a messenger of God. “I had a physical ailment and you didn’t reject me. You suffered as a result of it yet you didn’t

Then now what happens? Paul told them the truth. And the truth did not come down well upon their ears. And they reacted badly to Paul. “Have I therefore become your enemy because I tell you the truth?”

So what’s more difficult than gouging our your eyes? To tell the truth even if it wounds the one you love. And it might not be appreciated.

A question: How would you like to be loved? How would you want to love others?

The speaker appreciates all who have been straightforward with him about their views of him. Whether they are right or wrong is a different story, but he appreciates it. Because they are faithful friends. Faithful friends who love him enough to risk losing his friendship a because if he doesn’t like what they say he may break off the friendship) - in order to be frank with him for his good. People who did that to him have not lost him. He will keep them for life - of course all of us have people who talk behind our backs - these are true friends.

The speaker’s experience is this. There’re people who remain friends with him when he points out their wrongs. Some get angry at first but subsequently reconcile and thank him. Some avoid him because they know his stand, and when he attempts to get to them, some of them are okay, but some reject.

The speaker is not angry with such people who reject, but he feels sad because he doesn’t want them to continue in what’s bad for them. He knows others who talk behind their back. They remain friendly to these people. But those who talk behind their backs view them more negatively than the speaker. But they do not care enough or are not brave enough to be frank.

So let’s accept friends who faithfully wound us. And at the same time, do not fear wounding your friend, as long as it’s done faithfully.

Prov 20:30
Not all wounds are mortal. Wounds that even go deep can have a cleansing effect. And if s faithful friend were to wound you, or if you were to faithfully wound a friend, it would give them a deep cleanse.

Jas 5:19-20
What does it mean to cover a multitude of sins? Peter also says love covers a multitude of sins, but he didn’t explain, so many misunderstand that it means to “just cover up for him, forget about his wrongs”. But James explains it clearly that covering a multitude of sins doesn’t mean to cover UP, it means “you go and tell a person his mistakes. Tell him clearly enough what he needs to do to turn back”. And by that, your love covers a multitude of sins. What does it mean? The sins he has done will be covered by the blood of Jesus. He will not continue in his sins. So his past sins will no longer be remembered and won’t surface in his life. So love covering a multitude of sins involves telling him why and where he has gone wrong and leading him to the right path.

So who is a friend for life? One who faithfully wounds you. Accept such a friend. And be such a friend.

Who else is a friend for life?
Prov 7:4
Wisdom here is not a person. Say to wisdom, “You are my sister, my nearest kin.” And day this to wise people as well. There’s no blood relation here, but make friend with wisdom and the wise. And treasure this relationship more than natural relationships.

Proverbs begins by saying this 1:7 “Fools despise wisdom”. So if you make friends with wisdom, you’re certainly not a fool.

Prov 26:12
“Do you see a man wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him.”
Fools despise wisdom. But who’s more hopeless than a fool? One who is wise in his own eyes. Because when he’s wise in his own eyes, then wisdom from other people’s mouth won’t come in.

When you have a friend who only corrects you but cannot be corrected…(sentence left hanging)

Prov 29:10
This is another kind of person more hopeless than a fool. One who is hasty in his words. People who talk without checking facts. Or people who react straightaway, emotionally, without going through his thinking. Or people who speak extreme things when it need not be so extreme.

So when we make friends with wisdom, we also know who to befriend.

For example when we talk about Saul and David, who would you choose? David was a man after God’s own heart. And this wasn’t without reason. Because he accepted Nathan’s exposure of his sin. Saul killed the priests of God. David repented after the prophet exposed his sin.

Jonathan was also a faithful friend. He was faithful to his friend David. It was difficult to be torn between father and friend, but he chose his friend. Some of us think we chose his father because he remained in the palace. But if we read the story, we know he chose his friend. He let his friend go and helped him to escape from his father. He helped his friend establish his kingdom. Because he visited his friend often, brought him supplies and also gave him moral encouragement. And told his friend, “Surely God will make you king and I’ll be beside you.” Even though Jonathan was supposed to be king! So Jonathan sided with David and not his father. He wasn’t a friend to his father, or didn’t take his father as a friend in a spiritual sense. So in a matter of friendship, he chose David.

Look at Nabal and Abigail - husband and wife. How did she save herself? By disobeying/going against her husband. Her husband insulted David and didn’t want to help him with supplies. But she rode quickly on a horse and gave David supplies and told him, “You’re serving and fighting wars for the Lord. You don’t have to kill Nabal. Nabal will come to his eventual end.” She knew. And later on she was freed from her foolish husband. Spouses are meant to be for life right? But this kind of spouse was ended for her by God.

So we have to make a choice from the perspective of spiritual friendships. And God will help us.

Prov 9:6
“Forsake foolishness and live, and go in the way of understanding.”
Make friends with wisdom and forsake foolishness. We cannot do both. We have to forsake relations, then we can be friend with wisdom. Friends influence for life, remember that. The speaker still sticks to principles friends tell him. They may not necessarily still keep them but the speaker does.

Especially when you’re young, choose friends carefully. Friends you can retain. And those who seem good to you may not be friends. Sometimes you just cut them off. It’s difficult to do, but you need to be guided by biblical advice.

When friends influence you wrongly, when if they’re in the church, cut them off.

May God guide us to choose our friends carefully, and hold on to our best friend Jesus Christ.