The speaker was told to cover the following 4 points:

1. When we start a relationship just before marriage, what should we prepare?
2. What can be done and what cannot be done?
3. How do we deal with breakups?
4. Homosexuality

But he will cover the first 3 only since the 4th has been covered elsewhere.

Rev 19:7
Marriage is a big matter in a man’s life. We have to be prepared for it. We shouldn’t prepare for it last minute just before marriage. Last minute preparation is often not well done. In this verse we see that the wife has made herself ready, and she waited for her marriage.

For our marriages, we also have to be well prepared beforehand. One more part of preparation before marriage will result in

Some people are not prepared before marriage. Once they’re shocked by a person, there’s a lightning fast marriage and a lightning fast divorce. Success is left to those who are prepared. Same goes for love.

If we want to have a good courtship, it’s like sitting for an exam. We have to do our homework well. Starting a relationship without ample preparation is like sitting for an exam without preparing; we won’t get good results. We therefore have to be well pressed beforehand.

Are you now prepared for a relationship? Have you done all the things you have to do before a courtship?

What are these things and how do we prepare? These two will be discussed together since the things we ought to do

1. Ask yourself: is this the correct concept of courtship
   People of the world have different views of relationship and courtship. What’s the right one? There’s a similar result for every successful courtship: marriage. So it shows that the purpose of a courtship is marriage. This is a correct concept. We hence shouldn’t start a relationship haphazardly cos starting a relationship is for marriage. Starting a relationship is not to get a good friend. Good friends are picking one or a few from your group of friends. Courtship I choosing one from your group of fiends to be your life partner. You can only have courtship with one person. Not two. If you have two partners you have a relarionuo with, one of them will think it’s you that’s that’s going to be your lifelong partner. But if they don’t end up being your bride/bridegroom, you hurt this person’s feelings. How are you going to account for wasting this owrson’s yoith? You’ve just issued an empty check to this person. How are you going to compensate for this person’s loss? You can only feel guilty to this person for life.

There’s a sister who had yet to find a suitable partner in church. But she had many suitors outside. Someone asked her why she didn’t just bring
In my conversations with them, we can talk about everything except religion. We know this person can’t develop any further relationship with you because they can’t talk about religion. Why waste effort to enter unto a relationship?

If we know very well we won’t marry this person, don’t start a relationship and waste effort on this relationship.

Only after a break up can you start the next relationship. You shouldn’t stop wneyeronv into relationships because of a prior break up. Mariega eis the will of God for everyone u less the person has a special commission.

If we are to get married, we have to enter a relationship again to decide.

Should we open about our relationship then? There’re pros and cons to both ways. The speaker thinks it’s best to be open, otherwise other people don’t know and will try to start a relationship with you. You’ll have a problematic tangled relationship. And when you finally open up about your relationship, other people will feel very disappointed and that you cheated them. “Why did you choose this person??” They’ll accuse you for toying with their feelings. Be open about your relationship earlier.

Some people say “it’s not that I don’t want to be open about it but the time is not right yet. Can I say later?”

The correct concept is that we can only be in a relationship with one person, not two persons at the same time. Since you have decided to enter a relationship with this person we all the more should make it open. Some people may think that since the relationship is not open yet, it’s still fair competition. If you’re open then I’ll be a gentleman I won’t potong jalan. This’ll result in a lot of problems. So if you have decided to enter a relationship with a person, make it open.

Don’t drag the relationship too long either. Experts say half a year is best. Don’t drag the relationship beyond one year. Do you think it’s too short? Some people have been in relationships for years!

The speaker agrees with the expert. After hearing and seeing a lot, he feels we shouldn’t drag it out. We think having a longer relationship is sweeter but actually a long night is fraught with dreams.

An ancient saying: a long relationship won’t end up in marriage. Love is a marathon. But courtship is not the marathon.

In a courtship you’re establishing whether the opposite party is willing to spend their lives with you. Once you’re sure of this, get married. If your courtship drags on too long, you’re be tired. You become very lost and don’t know what to do.

The fact is that in a long courtship, you can’t sustain the initial feeling. The kind of passion you had in the beginning when your eyes meet and your heart beats faster will die out. You’ll wonder: how come I don’t have that excitement/feeling when I meet the person anymore? I don’t feel anything special. It’s just like spending time with any ither person.

You’ve spent so long in courtship that it doesn’t feel like courtship anymore.

It becomes like chicken rib. Throwing away is very wasteful but if you want to eat there’s not much flesh to eat. So if you were to break up, it’s very hard but if you continue there’s not much.

If you leave tea for too long, it’ll become
Feelings after being dragged will become stale.

In a courtship, stroke while the iron is hot or the passion will become normal feelings (chang Qing).

1. Ask if this is the correct partner to enter courtship with
   If you’re not ready to get married, don’t enter into a courtship. The other party has true feelings to start a courtship with you. But you just want to enter a courtship but not want to enter marriage. If we’re not able to be married, don’t start your courtship.

Some people say doesn’t matter just start the courtship first layer this person gets snatched away.

If you enter a courtship to enjoy the sweetness first but you aren’t able to get married, then you make the other party wait until the fresh flowers have withered. Even the butterflies think it’s ugly.

If you don’t have a mature mentality, don’t start a courtship.

worried about the pain of breakups. Wang to hold hands but worried about the pain of leaving this person. Your feelings are contradictory and you can’t make up your mind. It’s best to adjust your mentality before entering a courtship. If you enter a courtship just because you’re too lonely and just want someone to talk to, or because you feel like doing so is like having a trophy can show off. Or so you have an answer to old people every new year. “Huh you still don’t have bf/gf ah?” But if you enter into courtship because of this, this is not good. Because you’re not looking for a lifelong partner but a chewing gum. You chew on it until it loses its flavour then you spit it out. We don’t need to be responsible for each other just meet as and when we like. If you have such a mentality don’t get into a relationship.

Courtship is sacred in the eyes of God. Why? Because courtship is for the purpose of marriage. And Marriage is the will of God for everyone. Courshupbis one of the processes that leads to marriage. Therefore courtship is not something we can treat lightly and play around with.

Something very serious that concerns the will of hod.

If we have these concepts then we can have a good courtship.

Ask ourselves if it’s the right time to enter a courtship. If we’re not, don’t rush into a relationship.

1. Is this the correct partner to entertain a relationship with?
   You already have the right concept and right time. Now you must ask if it’s the correct partner.

Society emphasises on the freedom of the individual. People like to have the freedom or choice to choose their partner. When they find their ideal partner they don’t care about anything and just enter. They don’t care difrences in ages, age, beliefs and doctrines, faith.

But marriage in real life tells us that if you don’t care about anything and enter this marriage, you also won’t care about anything when you divorce. The greater the differences in background before marriage, the greater the difficulty to handle after marriage.

Therefore before starting a courtship, we need to identify the right partner. How to identify this depends on what WE need in a partner.

Some people aren’t really clear about the type of people they need or like. So they kee trying out different partners. They try to use the partner to decide if this is the kind he/she needs. When they realise this partner isn’t suitable, they’ll discard the partner. Perhaps he/she doesn’t intentionally mean to hurt the partner but he/she treats the partner as a love experiment.

If you were treated as one, wouldn’t you be angry? But actually the speaker thinks we shouldn’t get angry. The party is trying us out. But aren’t we trying the person out to see if they’re suitable too? They treat us like a love wdpirement, we also have done the same.

We shouldn’t enter into relationships easily. Don’t treat the opposite party as your love experiment.

We have to be very clear of the type of ppp e need and like. When we see someone who fits our type, then we can decide whether to enter into a relationship with rhisboerson. Find out if the person is willing to spend their lives with you. If they aren’t, even if they’re suitable, we must give them up.

We have to first be very clear what we need in a partner. Or course we also have to find out if the other party is the kind that we need. Be clear about the partner first before starting a relationship. This is a courtship responsible to both ourselves and the other party.

Not only do you need to ask if the other party is suitable. You also have to ask yourself whether you are a suitable partner for this person.

Usually we’ll ask whether the person is suitable for me but don’t ask whether we’re suitable for this person. We give our all to pursue the person we thinkbis suiuable for but do we ask ourselves whether we’re suitable for tjisboerson.

Think: if I was the other person, would I like me?
If you’re not even satisfied with youder now, how can you expect them to be suitable with you?
If you yourself can’t be independent, how can you wxpedt the opposite party to believe they can build an independent family with you? How can you expect them to put themselves in your hands to take care of them? If you are like a child yourself, you’re grown up but your thinking Holy Spirit like a uoibg child. Doesn’t mean you don’t know anything, you know so much more than a young chkld. But your mentality is like a uoibg chkld very tyrannically make requests. They want what they want and don’t care who and what and where. Will throw tantrums when they don’t get it. We’d shake our heads when we see such children.

When we start a courtship we often have this thinking. At the beginning of a courtship we won’t see this. Both parties will present themselves to the best of their ability. So the sweetest part is the beginning.

When the speaker first exegetes into a relationship
But when you enter into a courtship you meet with and have to resolve problems. You get a headache. Environments and problems cause the real person to emerge.

As a courtship progresses and becomes more stable, the possessive of the other party gets stronger and more obvious. They’d require their partner to have the same kind of thinking as they do. Once they have doffering opinions and you disagree, they’d get angry. They may force you to submit to their view. “You say you love me how come you don’t agree?” But this doesn’t have to do with love but view and perspective.

We’d want our partner to have the same thinking as us. If it’s minor matters, doesn’t matter. Also a show of love. I’m willing to giving in.

But on matters concerning God, are you also willing to give in?
This person isn’t concerned about whether it’s about God or whether you love him. “This Sabbath lets go watch movie. Last day of this movie but many more sabbaths” sounds like so reasonable
“Pr CAQ will scold from the pulpit”
“Who cares just let him scold”

Childish mentality will emerge. You may even require your partner to put you first in all their considerations. To satisfy your desire of being loved and esteemed. You may even challenge this person to see whether your partner has placed you. “Is this more important than me?”

Sometimes we use these kind of methods to satisfy our desire to be esteemed. “I don’t like this person. Don’t talk to them.” “I don’t like this you cannot do this.”
We become tyrannical and unreasonable.

Some ppl say: In a courtship, we don’t talk about reason but about love.

“Don’t you say you love me? If you don’t do this for me, means you don’t love me”
If the opposite party has to give in to this extent, do you think he’ll feel good? Unless he has his motives to get this person, can give in. Until I get this person then I make the decisions. Do you think you’re victorious?

Do you think you’re really esteemed by this person?

We may be like children in matters of. We all have the desire to be loved esteemed and prioritised ht people. But such thinking is not very mature. If we often have this immature thinking in this courtship, if it progresses there’ll be a lot of conflict. One of the reasons courtships fail. We don’t realise it. We think it’s a problem with the other party. He used to give in to me and listen to me in everything. But now he doesn’t! I’m no longer important. There must be a third party! But actually there isn’t. It’s just this party can’t tolerate your tyrannical childish tho king.

You don’t realise your erreneous thinking and think you’re right.

Ask yourself if you’re the correct partner for this person.

In courtships not only should we look for the correct partner, we have to be the correct partner for the other party.

We choose people but we’re also being chosen. We have to adjust our wrrenous immature thinking. Improve on our not good behaviour to become an ideal partner for the oooisye party.

So don’t just look for a person suitable for me. Ask ourselves also whether we’re suitable for the other person

1. Ask ourselves: is this like or love?
   When we’re studying in uni or working, we tend to like some people more. Because of love at first sight we want to get to know the person well. In the process, we think it’s beautiful. Life is now fruitful. “I’ve never been happier than now.” At this point in time you think: this is my ideal partner

But it may be just like and not love. You can like a lot of people. Your classmates, teachers, pop stars, soccer players.

We can like a lot of people. But we can only love one. Your lifelong partner.

How can we differentiate between like and love?

If we treat like as love it’s very regrettable and will result in a lot of problems.

We first need to discern what’s like and love.

Someone asked a wise man this question. The wise man pointed to a child “look at the child standing by the flower notbwillibv to leave. He’s mesmerised. The child has lost itself by the scent of the flowoer and enjoying it hrestky.” But no matter how much you like it you have to go home. He looked around and plucked it. He knows it’s illegal. Still he plucked it to enjoy it slowly. Even though by plucking it’ll wither soon. But because he likes it now he doesn’t care about all the consequences. This is like.

Then what’s love? The wise man pointed to another child. Also standing next to a flower unwilling to leave, mesmerised. But not just mesmerised, he also watered the flower. He tended and catch bugs. The sun was shining strongly the chkld was afraid the flower would be hurt. The child moved himself so his shadow wouldn’t strike the flower. This is love.

When you like something it’s because you want to obtain it and want to appreciate it. Love is giving.

This is the most basic difference between like and love. When you like, it’s just positive feelings. It can be the beginning of love but it’s not love.

In like there is a faint shadow of love.

The person is willing to give. But only a little. If it’s too much then they’re not willing. Because like is just a very faint shadow of love. So this giving is also very pale and faint. Anymore and I’m not willing to.

When you like something you’re also willing to suffer a bit. It’s a faint shadow of love which isbwilling to suffer long. If it’s too strong sufferings the person is not willing to go through it.

Even though you’re willing to give and suffer, it’s just very superficial and faint. It’s not real love. Love is very very deep liking. You can give everything. Even your own life. Even after giving everything there’s no regret and they won’t be calculating. Even if the person has to face great suffering, he’s willing to go through it. At this point in time, then you know you love this person.

So there is a difference between like and love. Before a courtship you must know if you like or love this person. You also need to know if this person likes or loves you. You have to analyse if the person likes or loves you or there’ll be a lot of tragedies in this courtship.