As we listen to the word of God and pray in the Spirit, the Spirit should be constantly renewing us. But if we really reflect on ourselves, have we allowed the word of God change us in our lives? To give us the correct perspective of the things happening around us? Or have we allowed these experiences we’ve had to take control of our lives? Those may very well be bad experiences; there may really have been bad people in our lives. Are we able to let go? Have we let go? Often times we say we forgive, but we don’t forget. You keep saying you forget, but have you really forgotten? The speaker has read this on Facebook and he happened to know the background behind it. It’s true that you’ve forgiven someone but you don’t forget; there’s a bitterness that continues in your heart. We turn to Romans 3:10-18;

10 ‘As it is written: “There is none righteous, no, not one; There is none who understands;
11 There is none who seeks after God.
12 They have all turned aside; They have together become unprofitable; There is none who does good, no, not one.”
13 “Their throat is an open tomb; With their tongues they have practiced deceit”; “The poison of asps is under their lips”;
14 “Whose mouth is full of cursing and bitterness.”
15 “Their feet are swift to shed blood;
16 Destruction and misery are in their ways;
17 And the way of peace they have not known.”
18 “There is no fear of God before their eyes.”’

This is the depiction of mankind to God. V14;

“Whose mouth is full of cursing and bitterness.”

These are human beings and what God sees. In many aspects, without God we’re probably like that. But now that we have God in our lives, are we still such people? Do we still have bitterness in our hearts and if given a chance, will we shed blood? Turn to Ephesians 4:26-27;

26 ‘“Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath,
27 nor give place to the devil. ‘

31;

‘Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. ‘

This was Paul’s encouragement to the church in Ephesus. For Paul to have written this can mean that many people then have many things they can’t let go. This is hardly surprising; have we never been angry before? We’ve all been angry before and if we were to reflect upon it, we think it’s alright to be angry. Truly, someone has done something offensive to you. Paul says we’re allowed to be angry but DO NOT SIN. Do not let the sun go down on your anger; means to let go. If we continue to harbour on our anger, v27 says it is leaving a footstool for the devil. That anger will make you angrier and angrier which eventually becomes hatred, and murder. In v31 Paul says;

‘Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. ‘

Have we still bitterness in our hearts? Only we know. It probably could be because of some genuinely bad experience we had. If you look at the Bible, there are some examples to learn from. Why do people have bitterness in their hearts? Could it be the same reason for us?

What are the possible reasons?

A bruised ego.

Someone hurt our ego and we feel unappreciated. We turn to the book of Esther. Esther 3:1-9;

1 ‘After these things King Ahasuerus promoted Haman, the son of Hammedatha the Agagite, and advanced him and set his seat above all the princes who were with him.
2 And all the king’s servants who were within the king’s gate bowed and paid homage to Haman, for so the king had commanded concerning him. But Mordecai would not bow or pay homage.
3 Then the king’s servants who were within the king’s gate said to Mordecai, “Why do you transgress the king’s command?”
4 Now it happened, when they spoke to him daily and he would not listen to them, that they told it to Haman, to see whether Mordecai’s words would stand; for Mordecai had told them that he was a Jew.
5 When Haman saw that Mordecai did not bow or pay him homage, Haman was filled with wrath.
6 But he disdained to lay hands on Mordecai alone, for they had told him of the people of Mordecai. Instead, Haman sought to destroy all the Jews who were throughout the whole kingdom of Ahasuerus—the people of Mordecai.
7 In the first month, which is the month of Nisan, in the twelfth year of King Ahasuerus, they cast Pur (that is, the lot), before Haman to determine the day and the month, until it fell on the twelfth month, which is the month of Adar.
8 Then Haman said to King Ahasuerus, “There is a certain people scattered and dispersed among the people in all the provinces of your kingdom; their laws are different from all other people’s, and they do not keep the king’s laws. Therefore it is not fitting for the king to let them remain.
9 If it pleases the king, let a decree be written that they be destroyed, and I will pay ten thousand talents of silver into the hands of those who do the work, to bring it into the king’s treasuries.”’

Here talks about a man named Haman. V1 says;

‘After these things King Ahasuerus promoted Haman, the son of Hammedatha the Agagite, and advanced him and set his seat above all the princes who were with him.

V2 says many bowed down to Haman because it was the king’s command. The latter part of v2 says Mordecai would not bow and pay homage. Haman here probably felt that he had a rife, “I’m number 2 in the kingdom now and even the king recognises me! And yet he doesn’t bow down to me?” He was feeling so great and floating on cloud 9. However there was a guy who didn’t want to give him face. Everyone paid homage except for Mordecai. V3-4;

3 Then the king’s servants who were within the king’s gate said to Mordecai, “Why do you transgress the king’s command?”
4 Now it happened, when they spoke to him daily and he would not listen to them, that they told it to Haman, to see whether Mordecai’s words would stand; for Mordecai had told them that he was a Jew.

Then they told Haman about it. When they told Haman, they also told Haman that Mordecai was a Jew and hence he would not bow to him. In v5;

When Haman saw that Mordecai did not bow or pay him homage, Haman was filled with wrath.

V6;

But he disdained to lay hands on Mordecai alone, for they had told him of the people of Mordecai. Instead, Haman sought to destroy all the Jews who were throughout the whole kingdom of Ahasuerus—the people of Mordecai.

Try and get into the heart and mind of Haman. What happened here? Bitterness can really be so scary. Who offended him here? Mordecai offended Haman. Indeed, he refused to bow and pay homage to Haman. But the bitterness in Haman wanted to exterminate an entire race of people because of ONE man. All because he has an ego that was bruised. He felt so great about himself; everybody should worship and respect him. But this one man refused and he felt so bruised.

If you take a step back and think, what’s the big deal? Out of thousands, only ONE didn’t want to bow, and he couldn’t take it. Just ONE, and Haman wanted the kill the entire race of Jews. The reaction was completely out of proportion.

If we think about this, this is an important lesson. If we think about how we react to situations and people in our lives, isn’t it often like this? Perhaps we truly feel offended, our egos are bruised. We try so hard, but nobody says thank you or notice. Then what will you do? You do something big shocking to the world. This is human’s reaction.

Our reaction may not be as extreme as Haman’s but if we reflect, perhaps in many ways we have similar reactions.

Why are we bitter? Because we feel unrecognised? Because someone said something we felt was despising us? And for our entire life we cannot let this go? We live a life trying to prove a point; nothing else matters. “I live my life to prove that I’m better than you. To prove that you were wrong.”

Do we live our lives like that?

If this is what our lives are about, we’ve missed the purpose of life. This is very sad. There are many examples in the Bible.

Like the story of Cain: God accepted Abel’s sacrifice but not Cain. But Cain didn’t reflect on why this happened. He was bruised, “Why him and not me? What’s wrong with me? How can I be worse than him? I cannot accept it!”

That bitterness built up and ultimately it led to murder.

Saul was the same.
David was his son-in-law and a very able servant of him. In fact, David was one of his trusted servants but eventually, all because of ONE song, Saul killed the thousands. David killed the tens of thousands. Saul couldn’t take it, “How could they attribute more to David than me?”

The Bible records that from then on he eyed David and constantly found faults in him. From a trusted servant and son-in-law, became someone he was angry and hated. To the extent, he repeatedly sought to kill David.

Why did Saul behave like this? He couldn’t let go. It was a song. Was it even true? Yes, factually true, but did it mean that David was out to seek his throne? Did it mean Saul was any less of king? It need not be the case but because of the way he reacted, it exactly proved the case. He was a man of small heart and allowed bitterness to overtake his life.

We look at Haman, Cain and Saul. When bitterness overtakes our lives, it can be very scary. We all have our ego one way or another. Our ego have probably been bruised by someone in our lives. Or going forward in future, someone may bruise us. Learn from these lessons. If we’ve truly humbled as a Christian, it truly doesn’t matter. Whether if this person thinks you’re smarter or more stupid, it doesn’t matter. How do I stand before God? What does God think of me? If God thinks of me like how He thought of Cain, then learn why.

Remember God told Cain, “If you do well, wouldn’t you also be accepted?” God wanted to accept him, but Cain has to learn his lessons.

We feel unjustly treated or things aren’t fair.

In life, it’s always like that. Humans are strange creatures, “If you don’t have, I don’t have, everybody happy”, “When you have and I don’t have, not fair”, “When I have but you have more, it’s not fair.” Suddenly friends become enemies just because we feel we’re unfairly treated. This feeling of unfairness often plays a lot of tricks. Again, that can cause bitterness to mess with our hearts.

We turn to Genesis 27:3-11;

3 ‘Now therefore, please take your weapons, your quiver and your bow, and go out to the field and hunt game for me.
4 And make me savory food, such as I love, and bring it to me that I may eat, that my soul may bless you before I die.”
5 Now Rebekah was listening when Isaac spoke to Esau his son. And Esau went to the field to hunt game and to bring it.
6 So Rebekah spoke to Jacob her son, saying, “Indeed I heard your father speak to Esau your brother, saying,
7 ‘Bring me game and make savory food for me, that I may eat it and bless you in the presence of the Lord before my death.’
8 Now therefore, my son, obey my voice according to what I command you.
9 Go now to the flock and bring me from there two choice kids of the goats, and I will make savory food from them for your father, such as he loves.
10 Then you shall take it to your father, that he may eat it, and that he may bless you before his death.”
11 And Jacob said to Rebekah his mother, “Look, Esau my brother is a hairy man, and I am a smooth- skinned man. ‘

Was Jacob right? It wasn’t right, but such is life. The speaker hopes we love our children equally. The speaker thinks he does, but sometimes they don’t feel so. It’s not always easy.

When we were growing up as children, have we ever felt that our parents love our siblings more than us? Perhaps we have.

Or when you’re growing up among friends, we probably want to be very close friends with one of them but he/she chose another person.

Whatever it is, we find life unfair.

If we were the siblings of Joseph, how would we have felt? Here very clearly says that Israel loved Joseph very much more than the rest. It wasn’t just in the hearts but in actions. He made a tunic with many colours and gave it to Joseph. In Genesis 37:4;

‘But when his brothers saw that their father loved him more than all his brothers, they hated him and could not speak peaceably to him.’

Why? The brothers found this unfair, “We’re all his children, why ONE, more than all of us?” Worse, ONE versus the rest, he’ll surely lose. Then the brothers ganged up. This bitterness pent up as they grew until it became hatred. Very clearly the Bible says that they hated him. V5;

‘Now Joseph had a dream, and he told it to his brothers; and they hated him even more. ‘

Joseph was blur and completely unaware. His brothers hated him so much but still told them his dream. After he told them their dream, they hated him even more. What happened in the end? V18-28;

18 ‘Now when they saw him afar off, even before he came near them, they conspired against him to kill him.
19 Then they said to one another, “Look, this dreamer is coming!
20 Come therefore, let us now kill him and cast him into some pit; and we shall say, ‘Some wild beast has devoured him.’ We shall see what will become of his dreams!”
21 But Reuben heard it, and he delivered him out of their hands, and said, “Let us not kill him.”
22 And Reuben said to them, “Shed no blood, but cast him into this pit which is in the wilderness, and do not lay a hand on him”—that he might deliver him out of their hands, and bring him back to his father.
23 So it came to pass, when Joseph had come to his brothers, that they stripped Joseph of his tunic, the tunic of many colors that was on him.
24 Then they took him and cast him into a pit. And the pit was empty; there was no water in it.
25 And they sat down to eat a meal. Then they lifted their eyes and looked, and there was a company of Ishmaelites, coming from Gilead with their camels, bearing spices, balm, and myrrh, on their way to carry them down to Egypt.
26 So Judah said to his brothers, “What profit is there if we kill our brother and conceal his blood?
27 Come and let us sell him to the Ishmaelites, and let not our hand be upon him, for he is our brother and our flesh.” And his brothers listened.
28 Then Midianite traders passed by; so the brothers pulled Joseph up and lifted him out of the pit, and sold him to the Ishmaelites for twenty shekels of silver. And they took Joseph to Egypt.’

The brothers’ entire lives were overtaken by the jealousy and hatred for Joseph. Sometimes when we’re gossiping along ourselves, we could be the 11. This is dangerous; ganging up against people.

We do this because we feel we’re unfairly treated and so we gang up.

Ultimately we know they tried to kill Joseph. By the grace of God, he wasn’t killed but sold to Egypt. This was a tragedy among siblings. If we take this and reflect upon our lives, do we have bitterness in our hearts? It could be because we were once unfairly treated or we genuinely think things are unfair; our parents were unfair to us when we were growing up or “In school, my teachers always loved others more than me”. We always focus on ourselves.

Sometimes it’s not true that it’s unfair, just that we feel is unfair. The speaker have mentioned this before: what is fairness?

“I have a big and small cake. I have a big and small boy. What do I do? I give the big cake to the big boy and the small cake to the small boy.”

The small boy thinks it’s unfair. What is fairness? Fairness is not always just equal size and number.

Life is a journey and is multiple angles. But in life when we get more than people, we don’t remember. When we get less, we remember. Often times, it’s like that.

The speaker isn’t in every facet of your life so he can’t say it’s true for everything. But he’s saying as Christians, we must have a big heart. Often times things aren’t as bad as we see it is. But even if it’s true, so what? What’s the big deal? We keep thinking it’s unfair. From birth to school to work, it’s unfair, “Even when I walk on the streets, the government treats me unfairly! There’s no shelter under my block but there’s shelter in another block! When will it stop? Come to church lah. But even in church, the ministers treat me unfairly.”

Do we want to live life like this? Close your eyes, pray to God, open your eyes and we’ll see a beautiful world.

If we only see things that are unfair, it’s a pity. If we look around, everything can be unfair. Many times, it isn’t true. But in the case of Joseph, yes, the father loved him more. But we see the bitterness of his brothers.

When Joseph was treated this way, he also felt bitter. That’s why he sought very much to forget what had happened. Why? In the eyes of Joseph, he also couldn’t understand, “I’m quite nice to my brother what, what have I done? I didn’t ask for that coat, but my father gave it to me. I didn’t ask for more love from my father, but he did. I try so hard to interact with my brothers, why are they like that? If you don’t like me, you kill me? Then you sell me away? If you don’t like me, just don’t talk to me lah..”

Selling Joseph away was again out of proportion. Joseph couldn’t reconcile with this because he couldn’t understand. But his reaction was somewhat different. We turn to Genesis 41:50-52;

50 ‘And to Joseph were born two sons before the years of famine came, whom Asenath, the daughter of Poti-Pherah priest of On, bore to him.
51 Joseph called the name of the firstborn Manasseh: “For God has made me forget all my toil and all my father’s house.”
52 And the name of the second he called Ephraim: “For God has caused me to be fruitful in the land of my affliction.”’

The meaning of Manasseh literally means “making forgetful”. He couldn’t understand, so he wanted to forget. He wanted to let go of his father’s house because it was still painful to think about. He couldn’t understand. V52;

And the name of the second he called Ephraim: “For God has caused me to be fruitful in the land of my affliction.”’

Ephraim literally means fruitfulness.

As far as Joseph was concerned, he wanted to move on, “When I move on, I’ll be fruitful.”

Most importantly, in all these, he never forgotten God. We know the story of Joseph was he was in prison; God was always present in his life. Was Joseph unfairly treated? Yes, he was. Did he understand? At this point, he still didn’t understand. But even when he couldn’t understand, he found a point to reconcile, “Let me forget the bad and look forward to fruitfulness.”

It’s not that he was blur and didn’t know what was happening, he just couldn’t understand. Deep in him, he still saw God in every step of his life. In the senselessness and affliction, he saw the grace of God. In all senselessness and affliction, he relied on God. That was how he got on.

Although sometimes the feelings we feel are not true, but even if it was true like in Joseph’s case, how do we tackle it in our lives? Many humans overreact and because of that, we damage ourselves and others. But we look at how Joseph reacted and compare that to his brothers, Haman, Cain and Saul; it was a very different reaction. This is something we can learn from.

In Joseph’s story when he met his brothers again, they didn’t recognise Joseph but he recognised them. They spoke in Hebrew but didn’t know Joseph could understand. Joseph found out that they were remorse and felt more reconciliation in his heart and wept. Finally they recognised one another and brought the whole family to be reconciled.

In the end, Joseph understood.

He knew they meant evil, but God meant it for good. This was part of a much bigger plan of God. Only much later did Joseph see the actual reasons for all that happened. But we can see that this bitterness in his heart didn’t lead to hatred, murder or revenge. Although he truly was unfairly treated, he forgot and let go. He moved forward and looked toward the blessings of God. God was with him every step of the way. These are all lessons we can learn.

As mentioned in the beginning, there are things we cannot understand. Why did these things happen? Why must this person talk like this? Why? The speaker doesn’t know. You may not know. You may know later. Or you may never know.

So what? How do you want to lead your lives? A life of bitterness where you constantly seek revenge or prove a point? Or do you want to lead a life where God leads you? It’s very important as part of a Christian’s nurture that we let all bitterness be put away. Then we don’t damage and neither do we damage others. May God help us.