How do we maintain and manage our marriage? In the morning we mentioned about preparation, which is to depart from your parents, and then the two shall become one. The adjustment one needs to have in marriage is to be one with your wife. In the morning the speaker talked about how in marriage two shall become one, how to live in harmony with your wife and how the two need to communicate.

Each couple has an invisible emotional bank. This is a bank you need to often make deposits to. How do you do so? When your wife pours you a cup of tea, don’t be stingy. You should say, “Thank you, dear, you’re so kind.” When your wife cuts you fruits, even if the mango is sour, you should thank your wife. If we don’t allow this emotional bank to increase in its value, it’ll be bankrupt one day. Let us keep investing and deposit more into this bank. Every argument and conflict will cause the value of the bank to diminish, until the bank finally bankrupts. The marriage will also go bankrupt, resulting in a divorce. Is divorce the solution? A divorce is but a shortcut, not a solution to problems within the couple.

The speaker chances upon a piece of news published by the Ministry of Family and Social Development (MSF). The report states that last year’s divorce rate as compared to 2017 was lower. The divorce rate in 2017 was 7578, while in 2018 was 7344. It is a positive outlook. Sadly, the numbers gathered so far for 2019 seems to be increasing. The speaker quotes, “17% of couples have divorced by the tenth year of marriage.” Do these people treat marriage as just a game? In fact, marriage is not a game. In the eyes of God, marriage is a covenant that all needs to respect. You may think, “I cannot continue to live with this person and have nothing more to do with him/her.” You cannot simply choose to have a divorce as a solution to your problem.

Let’s read what the Bible says in Genesis 2:24;

‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.’

and Matthew 5:31-32;

31 ‘“Furthermore it has been said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’
32 But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.’

Marriage is for life, till death. Divorce is not something you choose because of a personality mismatch. The Bible’s teaching is clear. Let us turn to Mark 10:6-12;

6 ‘But from the beginning of the creation, God ‘made them male and female.’
7 ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife,
8 and the two shall become one flesh’ ; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh.
9 Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”
10 In the house His disciples also asked Him again about the same matter.
11 So He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her.
12 And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”’

The Bible teaches us this clearly but to satisfy men’s needs and wants, sometimes they choose divorce. This is sad because once a couple divorced, the first to suffer is the couple’s children. Can you imagine a child losing his father/mother? It’s true that the decisions of the parents affect the children. Do not even think of this phrase in an argument. If you say this phrase, your emotional bank will go bankrupt immediately because it contains a lot of negative thoughts.

There are many people who divorce think back and realise it wasn’t the optimum choice and have to live with regrets. Truly, there are many challenges in maintaining a marriage. Even after a couple is married for many years, there will still be new challenges. This is why we need to use the principles of the Bible to teach us how to keep the marriage.

Marriage is where two becomes one flesh, hence they cannot separate. This is crystal clear and does not need consideration. Though this is something common in the world, our faith should not follow such trends. This is why the MSF has also come up with programmes to help counsel troubled couples. MSF does not encourage divorce. Instead, they encourage couples to mend their relationship that they may have complete families.

There was an occasion before the speaker became a preacher and a believer told him, “Brother Bao Hua, I am going to have a divorce.” The speaker was stunned for a moment and replied, “Even if you don’t give yourself a chance, you ought to give Jesus a chance. Are you willing to pray together?” She replied, “Yes, we can try.” Afterwards, they didn’t continue the conversation.

After three months, she looked for him again telling, “I’m not having a divorce anymore.” He said, “Thank the Lord! You’ve accepted the teachings in the Bible!” Divorce is not a solution to problems in marriage.

How do we maintain our marriage in circumstances and environments filled with pressure? We have to return to the Bible.

Marriage is a triangle. In this triangle, the top of the triangle is God. In every relationship, there should be God in the middle. Some people say, “Wherever there are people, there are problems.” It’s true, because humans are full of problems. We have sin, weaknesses and aren’t perfect. This is why we have friction with one another but as long as you have God in the relationship, the relationship will be better. Whenever there are people, there will be problems. BUT, if God is there in the relationship, the problems will be solved if the humans are willing to obey God.

In this triangle, the husband and wife are at each corner. They have to build a relationship. More importantly, the manner they build their relationship has to be towards God. If your methods to build the relationship is not towards God but towards the world, then this relationship will collapse. If you use your own methods to seek solutions to the problems and you don’t present your problems before God and ask for His help, you’ll depart from the source of life. Will your relationship get better? If you don’t receive help from help and advice from God, will your relationship get better? Only the standards of God is the best. The standards and words of men will change.

Many times the guy will say to the lady, “I will love you until the seas go dry and until the rocks rot.” When a guy says such words to a lady, perhaps at that moment he was really sincere. But when their love goes bankrupt, the guy who said these words no longer exists and his love for the lady has died. He is now interested in someone else. What kind of a guy is this? This is someone undesirable.

Why does this happen? This is because the relationship between husband and wife is not built upon God, causing the marriage to collapse. Let’s turn to Hebrews 13:4;

‘Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.’

The author of Hebrews tells us clearly the teachings with regards to marriage. When you find your own ways and methods to solve the problems and put aside the teachings of God, will you still respect the covenant of marriage? What God has put together, let no man separate. Many a times when we meet problems in a marriage, we don’t seek God for help and from others instead. This is when problems arise. We always emphasise the need to be holy before marriage. What about after marriage? After marriage we must stay loyal and steadfast. To be loyal to your spouse - you cannot have a third party. Meaning to say, let not your eyes look at other women anymore. Only fix your eyes on your wife.

The speaker is 50 years old this year and is starting to grow long-sighted. He wears long-sighted glasses. He can still see his wife clearly even though he cannot see all of us clearly with his glasses on. You have to appreciate your wife.

Once, his wife put on new clothes. Sometimes he notices, sometimes he doesn’t. When he does, he will say, “Oh? New clothes? It looks so good on you!” Pay attention to your wife, then your relationship can grow. The Bible teaches us to honour your marriage and after marriage one ought to be loyal and steadfast. We must have an intimate relationship with our wife. This is also what God wants us to enjoy after marriage. In the morning we read the passage where the man and woman were naked and weren’t ashamed. This relates to the sexual relationship between a couple, and is something you can only have after marriage, and ONLY with YOUR SPOUSE.

The speaker went to KunMing once for a meeting and training. It was 12am and someone knocked on the door. He thought, “Who could it be? I didn’t order any takeaway.” When he opened the door, a beautiful lady stood there, “Mister, would you like special services?” He said, “I didn’t order any food, I don’t need any.” He closed the door and prayed, he was afraid because this was a temptation.

If your relationship between husband and wife is not good, you may have wrong thoughts. This is even more so if you don’t have the teachings of the Bible to follow as your principles. The speaker thanks God for His preservation to allow him to be able to keep His word. His wife is not afraid, she’s only afraid if he no longer keeps the word of God. As long as he keeps the word of God, she has nothing to fear.

Before the speaker became a preacher, he had to travel overseas often for work. His wife says that he is a weekend husband because he often only comes home during weekends. He would arrive back in SG on Friday evening and attend Sabbath services. On Monday, he would have to travel again. This was his life when he was still working outside. Hence he thought about how he could build a relationship with his wife.

They would speak together at night on the phone. This is very important, you need it. He would text his wife when he has arrived in church safely and what he had eaten in the afternoon. Every day is like a newly-wed day for him. Similarly, his wife also shares with him her doings. They have a mutual rapport.

The speaker only returned from Taiwan four years ago in 2015. He was going to study in the theological seminar and was therefrom 2011 to 2015. He was away from home and the four years living away from his wife was hard to bear. A preacher told him before he entered the seminar, “Say this to your wife, “your husband is not around but Jesus is around. If you have any troubles, look for Jesus””. It’s easy to say, but is the problem solved? No! You have to put in more effort.

In those 4 years, the speaker thanks the Lord that there was free wifi so he could use Skype to talk to his wife. The speaker found it quite frustrating to use Skype, but he would speak on the phone with his wife. He would share with her what he learnt that day in the seminar and after they put down the call, they would pray together. Although they were in different locations, their hearts were joint. Though they weren’t together, but because God is there, the presence of God helped them draw closer together. What was harder to bear what when the speaker needed to go to the aborigines area where there was no internet connection. Whenever he needed to go there, he would go to 7-11 to buy the SIM card to add value into the card to call his wife. After his practicum ends at night, he would call his wife. That was how he continued talking his wife when he went to the aborigines area.

Do you care about her? If you care, you would sacrifice. If you want to keep a good marriage, you need to sacrifice. You have to continually go towards God. If both don’t work their relationship towards God, there would be no improvement in your relationship. One day, the marriage will collapse. What’s important in keeping a marriage is the relationship between the couple. No matter how long you have been together, you need to work hard. The older the couple is, the more effort you have to put in.

When a couple is retired, you spend more time looking at each other. The more time you spend together, the higher chances of the couple getting sick of each other. This is when you must go towards God and grow your relationship towards the teaching of the Bible. If you want your relationship to be good, then we ought to have a family altar. Do you pray together before sleeping? There are some characters we can learn from in the Bible. Let us take a look at Isaac in Genesis 24:67;

‘Then Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah’s tent; and he took Rebekah and she became his wife, and he loved her. So Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.’

Although the writer gives just a summarised description of the marriage between Isaac and Rebekah, if we give more thought into it: In this marriage the couple was brought together by the old servant. More importantly, Isaac here showed his reverence to God and how he respected his father. Not only that, he placed God in the centre of his marriage. Since he revered God and respected his elders, he took Rebekah as his wife and loved her. Since the two has become one flesh, of course you’ll love your flesh.

After they were married, there were challenges that they faced. Let us read Genesis 25:20-21;

20 ‘Isaac was forty years old when he took Rebekah as wife, the daughter of Bethuel the Syrian of Padan Aram, the sister of Laban the Syrian.
21 Now Isaac pleaded with the Lord for his wife, because she was barren; and the Lord granted his plea, and Rebekah his wife conceived. ‘

After they were married, Rebekah was barren. What did the husband do? He didn’t complain, “I married you, but you’re unable to bear children!” If he puts the blame on his wife, how can the relationship can better? It can only be worse. They should have had a family altar. They put the matter to God and pleaded to Him. Rebekah conceived.

The speaker wonders if the married couples here pray together. An elder once said this, “Every night, the wife needs to hear the prayer of the husband, and the husband needs to hear the sound of his wife praying. Together, as they hear each other pray, the relationship grows.” This is because they’ve placed God in the centre and God will help their relationship. Of course, it would be better. You can see that from the Bible after Isaac and Rebekah have been married for over 20 years in Genesis 26:8-9;

8 ‘Now it came to pass, when he had been there a long time, that Abimelech king of the Philistines looked through a window, and saw, and there was Isaac, showing endearment to Rebekah his wife.
9 Then Abimelech called Isaac and said, “Quite obviously she is your wife; so how could you say, ‘She is my sister’?” Isaac said to him, “Because I said, ‘Lest I die on account of her.’ ”’

Even though they’ve been married for a long time, Isaac showed endearment to Rebekah still. The endearment here is something quite obviously only shared between husband and wife, which is why you see in v9, “Quite obviously she is your wife.”

From here, you can see that God blessed their relationship with a happy marriage. The word “endearment” tells us a lot about their relationship. If we want our marriage to be happy, the relationship has to steer towards God. If you want to go towards God, it is essential to pray and read the Bible. A marriage with God’s in the centre will only grow sweeter and sweeter. Even though our outward appearance are not as beautiful and handsome before, that is no longer important. What’s important is that we’ve put God in the centre of the relationship and you’ve built the relationship for God. When both parties put in the effort to grow towards God, your love will grow sweeter and sweeter. You won’t need any New Zealand Manuka honey. A love built upon the foundation of God will be sweet and will allow us to have a healthy marriage. It doesn’t matter how much money you have, because these are just physical possessions.

Finally, the speaker would like to give everyone five phrases.

1. Everyday, give each other a beautiful smile.
2. Every day, look at one another for three seconds. Admire one another.
3. Every day, touch one another three times. You can hold hands, give each other a hug.
4. Travel four seasons (meaning, go out together). Whether it’s going overseas or within the country. You can go to Marina Bay or Jewel.
5. Pray together for five minutes. Hear her pray, and she can also hear you pray.

We ask God to bless every couple here that they may have a blissful marriage, that every one may be a model couple and give glory to God.