Hallelujah! In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ I speak.

-Previously, we discussed on the topic “A Happy Marriage”. We talk in general the issues surrounding marriages.

-It is better to marry than to be aflame with passion.

-Many enter into Marriage without being prepared for marriage.

-GOD in your marriage

-The “Tings” of Marriage

-HOW TO MAKE THE WIFE & HUSBAND HAPPY

-Women likes small happy moments. Men likes to be appreciated and not belittled. Be his biggest fan.

-Trust: Giving each other space to breathe

-Take part in the other happy moments

-Focus on what is right in your marriage and not on what is wrong with the other the other party

-Forgiving is letting it go and never bring it up again. Forgiving without forgetting is not true forgiving.

-Today, we shall study into our roles and responsibilities when we say “I do”. Think of it, when you say “I do”, what exactly is in your mind? Let’s look at 3 possible extreme scenarios after you say “I do!” -

-The real you now come out: Okay, the chase is over, I have secured my goal, now this is how I really want to live my life.

-The future is scary & I am not ready: From the high of all the excitement of courtship and a smashing wedding event, the couple finally face the reality of marriage and how unprepared they are to cater for the likes and dislikes of each other. Each day is a day of new discoveries and compromises. Maybe even now, some of these issues have not been resolved.

-The God centered marriage: This marriage is arranged by God and we will rely on His guidance.

-So which of these scenarios does your marriage leans more to?

-Before we go further into this topic, let us understand one very, very important statement concerning marriage.

-MARRIAGE IS FOR LIFE

-Matt 19:5-6 ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6 So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”

-The Bible describe marriage as an acts where the husband and wife join together to be one flesh. God further warned against those who try to separate what God has joined together. In describing marriage as two becoming one flesh, it is like both of the couple sharing the same heart, brains, etc. It is no longer possible for them to continue to live as before and have different directions in their lives. Marriage is meant for the 2 hearts to beat as one and the 2 minds to think as one.

-Once Jesus was posed a question concerning divorce. Matt 19:3-6 3 The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?” 4 And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6 So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”

-Jesus told them plainly that God do not recognize divorce. This means that you can go to the local courts and get the court to issue you with a certificate of divorce. However that is not recognized by God.

-Jesus was further pressed by the Jews on why Moses allow for a certificate of divorce to be issued. Jesus mentioned that this was because the people were not faithful to God’s teachings. Matt 19:7-9 7 They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?” 8 He said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. 9 And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.”

-Jesus further explained that if a man divorce his wife and marries another, he would have committed adultery. This means that you can get the court to issue you a certificate of divorce. If you remarries and consummate your 2nd marriage, you would have committed adultery in the eyes of God regardless of what the law says. The certificate of divorce means nothing to God.

-Therefore if both parties did not commit adultery but they go to the court to get a certificate of divorce, in the eyes of God, they are still married and therefore cannot remarry.

-The only way in which this remarriage avoid adultery is if your spouse first become unfaithful and committed adultery in the first place and this resulted in the divorce. Let me repeat, one can only remarry without the sin of adultery if your spouse is found to have committed adultery.

-The other ground for remarriage is on the account of death of the spouse.

-Why is the matter of adultery such a big thing?

-Adultery is of course a big sin and falls under the category of those in 1 Cor 6:9 that they will not inherit the kingdom of God. 1 Cor 6:9-11 9 Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither the immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers , nor sexual perverts, 10 nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor robbers will inherit the kingdom of God. Now that we have understood that marriage is for life, let us understand the principles of a Christian marriage.

IMPORTANT PRINCIPLES OF MARRIAGE -Christ as the head of the family

-Fear of God is a must in the lives of the married couple. A preacher once told another preacher that presently many of us fear death, cancer, failure in our career, ghosts, robbers, sickness but we do not fear God. We say we honor God and that we hold God in the highest regards. But we often continue to sin as if God does not exist. Let’s learnt form the example of Joseph.

-Joseph .. a favorite son of Jacob .. became a slave in the house of Potiphar .. Due to his good looks and character, the wife of Potiphar wanted to commit adultery with him.. This is what he told her ..

-Gen 39:9 9 he is not greater in this house than I am; nor has he kept back anything from me except yourself, because you are his wife; how then can I do this great wickedness, and sin against God ?”

-The reason for his refusal was not because Potiphar’s wife is not attractive or anything else. His reason was because he value his fear for God more.

-If you look hard enough, there will always be someone who is better looking, seemingly more understanding, more generous ..etc…etc than your spouse out there. For many of us, we spent more time out there with our colleagues, friends and acquaintances that we spent with our spouse. It is even worse if you work overseas and away from your family for months. Temptations is always around. The only thing that can keep you faithful to your spouse is not because of your love for your spouse. After all, your spouse cannot see or know what you do in secret. The only thing that can hold you back from sinning is God. For God sees and knows everything. So the key thing in a marriage is “Do you both Fear and Honor God in all that you do?” If “yes”, then your marriage can last, if “no”, your marriage is in danger at any time.

-Keep the principles of the Bible concerning marriage as the foundation of your marriage Eph 5:21-33 22 Wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 As the church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 Even so husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no man ever hates his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is a profound one, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church; 33 however, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

-Wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord (i.e. must be within what is right before God).

-Husbands, love your wives as yourselves, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

-Husbands are required to nourishes and cherishes his wife as Christ does for the Church. In verse 26-27, it is mentioned that Christ nourishes the church through His words that the Church may be holy and without blemish. This means that the husband has the responsibility of upholding the words of God in the family.

-In today modern society, it is normal that both husband and wives work. In some cases, the wives may earn more and sit in a higher corporate position than the husband. So the concept of “wives be subject to the husband” becomes somewhat awkward. Nevertheless, in the Christian family, the Husband will have to take the lead in leading the family to live a life in according to the teachings of God.

-We mentioned in the previous session, if the husband is the head, it is possible that the wife can take the role of the neck. If you are a very clever neck, you can direct where the head should turn.

-But there are things you cannot do as the neck.

-Although the neck can turn the head in the direction it wants to; consider this situation, “what if the head does not want to turn in the direction the neck wants the head to turn?” Have you seen an Indian dance movement where the head seem to be moving to move from side to side while the rest of the body remained in the same place? You can only describe this as weird or unnatural but in reality it can happen. So if the neck try to force the head to move in a certain direction and the head refuses to do so, you have a conflict situation. In reality, the neck wants to be the head. If this happens in the family, it upsets the order of the family and subsequently, a whole series of problems arises. This situation happens a lot more often in families that we all think. Consider this situation; choosing the color to paint the house.

-Scenario 1: This scenario was an actual based on a discussion between a preacher and some sisters. The preacher was commenting that their houses were quite tastefully painted and wonders who made the decision on the color scheme of the house. This is basically how the sisters manage the situation.

-Husband: Darling, we are going to paint the house. What color do you want the exterior walls, the living hall, the kitchen and rooms to be?

-Wife: I would prefer the Exterior wall: white, Living hall: Off white, Kitchen: light green and Bedroom: white. But I will agree to any choice that you decide.

-Husband: Ok, I will go with your decision.

-Scenario 2: This is a made up scenario

-Husband: Darling, we are going to paint the house. What color do you want the exterior walls, the living hall, the kitchen and rooms to be?

-Wife: It is ok, you can decide on everything.

-Husband: You sure you do not have any choice?

-Wife: Yes dear. Anything you choose is ok with me.

-It so happens that the husband likes bold dark colors.

-Husband: In that case, I choose Exterior wall: Dark Grey, Living hall: Dark Blue, Kitchen: dark green and Bedroom: Red.

-Wife: Uh! Can the exterior wall be white?

-Husband: Aiyah! Say earlier lah .. I almost call to buy the paint already. OK, exterior wall: white. Anything else?

-Wife: How about Living hall: off white?

-Husband: anything else?

-Wife: What about kitchen: light green?

-Husband (slightly annoyed): what else?

-Wife: Bedrooms: white, ok?

-Husband: Ok! Ok! Next time, if you already have something in your mind, say first lah!

-Husbands and wives, does this situation seem familiar to you in your house? In the above scenarios, the color chosen at the end is the same, but which is the preferred scenario. Of course, the first!

-What else did you also learnt from the above scenarios? While man may hold the title of head of the family, most men hate to make decisions on household matters. What to eat, what color of whatever you want, where to go, tuition, etc carry very little importance to him whether it is this or that. Where he will make an appearance is when the light bulb is spoilt, some electrical or mechanical problems arises or even … there is a cockroach in the toilet … go kill it. Presently, the last bit on cockroach may not be true anymore amongst today’s young men anymore. I understand that some young men are more afraid of cockroaches than the ladies.

-As time goes by, I think men are getting more timid. I dare to kill cockroach with my bare hands but my father will catch rats with his bare hands. I remember once we trap a rat in a room. My father, my brother and I were swinging the sticks in our hands wildly to hit the rat that was running here and there. Finally, one of us managed to strike the rat and it became a bit groggy. Suddenly my father caught the rat by the tail and swung it hard against the floor. Unfortunately for my brother and I, he swung the rat right into our direction. It was a frightening sight, so I do not think I will be catching a rat by the tail any time soon. I will stick to cockroaches.

-As you can see, things getting spoilt are not everyday occurrences. So if you are a very clever neck and follow scenario 1, the wife probably decides over 90% of things that happen in the house. Similarly if you are a smart head, in the house, unless the faith of the family is affected, only decide on matters where your wife cannot decide.

-Ps 128:3: Your wife as a fruitful vine in the very heart of your house.

-Fruitful vine – vine is a very tender plant that cannot stand by itself. It needs to lean on something for support.

-Its position is at the very heart of your house

-Ps 128:3 3 Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine in the very heart of your house, Your children like olive plants all around your table.

-If you love and cherish your wife dearly and be her steady support, then your wife will be fruitful. By fruitful it means that your house will always be filled with love, joy and lack nothing. You will enjoy coming home, because it is full of love and truly a resting place from the troubles that you face in the outside world.

-The position of your wife in the very heart of the house.

-Where is the position of your wife in your life?

-The position of your wife must take center place in your life.

-For this reason:

-Do not be separated for too long from your wife. There are many families where the husband works in a different country and only sees the family for a few weeks in a year. This is not a good. Even if both can overcome the temptations that comes from long periods of loneliness and remain faithful to each other, too much prolong absences will affect the importance of the other in their lives.

-Do not live your social life apart from your wife. After my retirement, one by one of my former colleagues retired. So we now have a retirement club of ex-colleagues. Some of my ex-colleagues’ wives were full time housewives. From our chit chats, I noted that during their time when they were busy earning money for the family, the wives have their own social cliques. So when the husband now retired, the wives find it difficult to fit the husband into their schedules. One of my ex-colleague found it so hard to adjust to life at home that his wife tell him to go find a job. He probably has been so used to managing the matters in the office. So when he retired, he annoyed his wife by trying to manage the household and her.

-Do not sacrifice your love for your wife for your career, your business or even your children. The Bible never teaches us to sacrifice your wife for your children. Your wife must take the center place in your life. Eccl 9:9-10 9 Enjoy life with the wife whom you love, all the days of your vain life which he has given you under the sun, because that is your portion in life and in your toil at which you toil under the sun.

-Ps 128:3 - Your children like olive plants all around your table.

-Your children is our heritage or inheritance from God (Ps 127:3). A heritage is something that continue to exist after we die. Our children are even more special. They are the only product of marriage that last forever. After we die, everything that belongs to you will eventually be gone. Even your identity as husband and wife is erased as there are no male or female in heaven. But when your child is born, a miracle happens. A soul that cannot be destroyed by death is created. Your sole responsibility to this child is to ensure that he becomes a child of God and so receives God’s protection and finally makes it back to heaven.

-How does your child becomes a child of God? - Baptism. Gal 3:27-29

-27 For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ. 28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus. 29 And if you are Christ’s, then you are Abraham’s offspring, heirs according to promise.

-How do you give your child the best possible chance of entering Heaven? By teaching him the words of God & leading him to Jesus so that Jesus can be his guide & counselor in his journey of life.

-I therefore shake my head when I hear that there are members (both parents who are baptized in our church), who decide that they will not allow their children to be baptize but let their children decide for themselves when they turn 18 years old. Instead of letting Jesus protect your child, it is like taking a chance of letting the child wander around unprotected for 18 years first and then see what happens. Who is most happy? Of course, the devil! When the Israelites came out of Egypt to go to the promised Land, the most vulnerable were the old & young.

-It is like when your child was born and you do not register your child to be a citizen of Malaysia. He therefore loses all rights and protection of a Malaysian citizen. Do we need to wait until he is 18 years old and then let him decide whether he wants to be a citizen? Not baptizing our young infant children is a more dangerous situation as it affects your child for all eternity. If he is not a child of the kingdom of God, who does he belongs to? Remember in the spiritual realm, there is only 2 kingdoms, Heaven or Hell? Are we going to let our children runs the risk of missing heaven and going to hell instead?

-His life whether he will continue to stay alive on always hangs on a thread and it is the mercy of God that our precious child remains in fringe of the fold of God.

-It is through the mercy of God, that God still keep them under His grace even though they are not children of God. Do not be mistaken, just because both parents are Christians does not make your child a child of God. The Bible has only one prescription to be a child of God; wash away our original sin passed on from ADAM and become a child of God (Gal 3:27).

-The Bible used olive tree to describe your child. Why? The Olive tree has always been associated with those whom God choose. Rom 11:24 24 For if you have been cut from what is by nature a wild olive tree, and grafted, contrary to nature, into a cultivated olive tree, how much more will these natural branches be grafted back into their own olive tree.

-This verse describe that we who are not Jews were given chance to receive the salvation grace of God that was originally reserved for the descendants of Abraham. How was this possible? Through baptism! Gal 3:27-29 27 For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ. 28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus. 29 And if you are Christ’s, then you are Abraham’s offspring, heirs according to promise.

-The Bible has the expectation that you as parents has already ensure that your children are already planted olive tree meaning that they are already a child of God that has received water baptism.

-In addition to be a child of God, your children are always seated around the table.

-When was the last time, you had a family dinner with all your children seated around the table?

-During my mother’s time, dinner time is always a time when all the family members who are at home will gather together to eat at the same time. The youngest will then call out the name of those who are older than them. If you are the youngest, then you have to greet everyone.

-The culture of respect for the more elderly is sadly going away in today’s modern society. The children are always locked in their rooms and the culture of greeting their parents no longer practiced.

-Why is it important for the family to eat together? It is said that that the family that eats together, stays together. If you stay in the same house and cannot even come out to eat together, what is the difference between you and a stranger?

-If you are already a stranger at home when you are young, when you grow old, will you even bother to think of your parents when you lived away from home.

-Soon you will have children of your own and you too will have strangers living in your home.

-So if you do not want to start a culture of strangers at home, make sure the family that live together, eats together.

-SUMMARY

-3 possible extreme scenarios after you say “I do!”

-The real you now come out

-The future is scary & I am not ready

-The God centered marriage

-MARRIAGE IS FOR LIFE – God do not recognize divorce.

-Marriage bond can only be ended by death or adultery

-IMPORTANT PRINCIPLES OF MARRIAGE

-Christ as the head of the family

-Fear of God is a must in the lives of the married couple.

-Keep the principles of the Bible concerning marriage as the foundation of your marriage?

-if the husband is the head, it is possible that the wife can take the role of the neck.

-But there are things you cannot do as the neck.

-Ps 128:3: Your wife as a fruitful vine in the very heart of your house.

-Ps 128:3 - Your children like olive plants all around your table.

-ALL PRAISE AND GLORY TO OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST!